DE LOS LIMITES AL AMOR

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Foto de Tim Foster de Unsplash
Autora: Astrid Hecker

Cuando escuchamos a alguien hablar de límites, quizás nos imaginamos algo como poner barreras y por supuesto no lo asociamos con la idea que tenemos acerca de la libertad, pensamos que libertad es hacer lo que sea sin que nadie nos restringa. Todos deseamos la libertad y de algún modo hacemos lo posible por obtenerla, pero casi nunca la asociamos con poner límites a nuestras vidas.

En mi práctica clínica veo muchas personas que en algunas áreas de sus vidas necesitan ser libres y la mayoría de las veces lo que les impide tener libertad es precisamente la falta de límites.
Cada persona es como un gran territorio el cual, para poder desarrollarse en forma saludable, debe construir sus propios límites, de lo contrario se expone a sufrir daños y perder autocontrol, lo que trae como consecuencia una serie de trastornos y luchas que harán de su territorio un lugar infértil e incómodo para estar. En otras palabras, la libertad individual de las personas, está en directa relación con la necesidad de ejercer el control sobre sus vidas.

Por otro lado, no podemos hablar de libertad y límites sin mencionar la responsabilidad. Para ejercer nuestra libertad debemos también ser responsables de cómo la ejercemos y para ello debemos saber que estamos en control de las diferentes áreas de nuestras vidas, como lo son, por ejemplo, los sentimientos, actitudes, conductas, elecciones, límites, talentos, pensamientos, deseos, amor y valores, por nombrar algunos. Todas esto son propiedad de nuestras propias almas, pertenecen a nuestro territorio y somos responsables de usarlas adecuadamente y de ponerle límites. No hay nadie afuera al que podamos culpar o responsabilizar de lo que sucede dentro nuestro.

El sentido de propiedad

El sentido de propiedad es uno de los aspectos que es necesario comprender cuando hablamos de poner límites en nuestras vidas. Este tiene que ver con tomar posesión de lo que es nuestro y nos dice “esto es mío y me hago responsable por ello”. Así, con el objetivo de hacernos responsables de nuestras vidas, debemos también apropiarnos de lo que nos pertenece, por ejemplo, si estoy enojada, es mi enojo y tengo que hacerme responsable de él sin culparte a ti. Tú puedes haberme provocado hacia el enojo, pero la realidad es que desde el momento en que el enojo está en mi alma, es mi problema. La conducta es tú problema y lo que siento y hago en respuesta a ella es mi problema.

Si queremos ganar control sobre nuestros sentimientos, conductas, elecciones, gustos, etc. debemos darnos cuenta primeramente, que son nuestros y de nadie más. Ellos viven en nuestras almas, y desde el momento en que viven allí son nuestros y por ende somos responsables de lo que hacemos con todo aquello.

Cuando cedemos nuestro terreno, aparece la victimización. Muchas personas viven sus vidas en una eterna victimización, tiene un “otro” abusivo en sus vidas y por ello se sienten miserables la mayor parte del tiempo. Se sienten victimizados y sin el poder de hacer nada, ni cambiar nada en sus vidas si el “otro” no cambia, este “otro” puede ser tanto una persona, así como una circunstancia. Pero como se ha visto, los límites nos enseñan que desde el momento en que los sentimientos están en mi alma, son míos y una vez que me apropio de ellos puedo hacerme responsable, pero mientras les demos el control de lo que es nuestro a otros, seguiremos siendo víctimas de sus conductas irresponsables.
El sentido de propiedad es el comienzo del camino hacia la libertad emocional.

Autocontrol

El sentido de propiedad nos conduce al autocontrol. Si eres dueño de una propiedad, esto significa que está bajo tu dominio y controlas lo que ahí sucede, por ejemplo, en tu casa tú decides si cuelgas un cuadro o no y dónde, nadie tiene el derecho de decidir de qué color tienes que pintar las paredes de tu casa porque es tuya y tú decides qué hacer en ella. De este modo, los sentimientos, pensamientos, gustos, actitudes, etc. son aspectos de la vida que cada uno debiera de controlar.
El autocontrol es el fruto de darse cuenta de la libertad que nos entregan los límites bien delineados. Así, si alguien está intentando manipularnos con ira, miedo, gustos u otras cosas, hay que entender que están fuera de límites permitidos, y si dejamos que ellos nos controlen entonces somos responsables de que traspasen nuestros límites.

Amor

Finalmente, todo lo anterior tiene que ver con amar y amarse. Muchas personas piensan que poner límites es ser egoísta y la raíz que lleva a servirse a uno mismo, pero este es un gran malentendedido, ya que cuando hablamos de límites hablamos de libertad emocional y hablar de libertad emocional es hablar de amor, ya que quien se experimenta libre emocionalmente puede amarse a sí mismo y amar a otros libremente.

Nota final

Se ha hablado de poner límites en la vida con el fin de obtener libertad para amar, amarse y ser amado, pero ¿qué pasa cuando nos damos cuenta de que no lo podemos lograr o nos sentimos incapaces de tomar el control de ciertas áreas de nuestra vida? Bueno, esto es una buena noticia, pues si nos damos cuenta podemos hacer algo al respecto. Podemos buscar a algún profesional que nos ayude a buscar recursos y herramientas personales que podremos usar para construir los límites que nos faltan.

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